


Only Remembered

by superallens



Series: ColdFlash One Shots [6]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Guilt, M/M, Post Flashpoint, Whump, gravesite, this is kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 20:51:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8224429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superallens/pseuds/superallens
Summary: Post Flashpoint AU where Barry visits his parents' grave for the first time after saying goodbye. He meets an unexpected visitor along the way.





	

Barry let out a heavy sigh as he walked up the hill. The bitter December wind bit at his skin like little pinches from a child. It wasn’t painful, but it wasn’t pleasant. He pulled his black coat around himself as he made the final steps to them. 

His parents.

He kneeled down in front of the two gray headstones. Barry reached forward with a heavy heart as he let his index finger trace the rigid lines of his mother’s name. He did the same with his father’s. 

Barry fidgeted around in his pocket before retrieving the two items he was looking for. He thumbed at the first item before placing it in front of his mother. It was a single lily. Her favorite. He then placed the single maple leaf in front of his father. Henry had always loved Fall- watching the leaves change colors, going to the pumpkin patch with his wife and child. He loved that there was a season as heartwarming as the love he felt for his family. 

Barry gulped down the lump in his throat before sitting down.

“I messed up again,” Barry whispered. He let out a bitter, stoic laugh. “I know, again.”

“I had it all. I had you guys, I almost had Iris, I was still a CSI... I had it all. I had what my life was supposed to be before Thawne ruined it. Then, Thawne got in my head,” Barry chuckled sadly. “He got in my head and told me that the new world I  _conjured_  up was all wrong. Sure, losing my memories from the original timeline scared me at first, but soon they were replaced with new ones of the life I lived with you guys.”

“You know, I still remember some of it,” Barry said, smile small, but fond. “I remember how dad wouldn’t let me try out for the football team since he knew I only wanted to impress the girl in my science class. I remember how mom made me my sixteenth birthday cake out of white, yellow, and red frosting- how ironic. I remember our family movie nights and dinners. I remember us being a family. And it was amazing.”

The wet moisture of the grass was seeping into Barry’s denim jeans. He couldn't find it within him to care though. The itch of the wet denim against his skin was nothing compared the itch of guilt in his heart.

Barry felt his throat tighten again. The lump crawled up his throat like an owl coming out of his burrow for the night. It was slow and hesitant. Tears slipped freely down his pale, freckled face. He didn’t bother wiping them away as they cascaded down his cheeks and off his chin like a steady rainfall.

“I’m so sorry,” he said as his voice broke. “I’m sorry for disappointing you guys, I’m sorry for never doing things right. For never being the son you guys wanted.”

“Because of my mistakes, I don’t have anyone anymore. I’m alone. The Reverse-Flash did something to tweak the original timeline, to make my life so much harder. But the thing is- I don’t really care. I can’t find it within myself to care because I kind of deserve it in some odd way.”

Barry watched as the lily and the leaf blew in the wind. They both fluttered before taking off, breezing away into the sky as free as a bird. 

It was eerily ironic that not only were both his parents gone, but the symbols of them left him too. 

Barry felt hollow as he stared silently at the graves. He had so much more to say, so much more to explain and apologize for, but he just didn’t have the words to say it. 

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there for. I could’ve been seconds, minutes, maybe even hours. He was in a trance of self pity and guilt until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Barry?” The voice was soft and their hand barely touched Barry’s coat clad shoulder. Barry took a sharp intake of breath before turning around to see who it was.

“Snart?” Barry questioned hoarsely. He barely recognized the man, with his soft expression and sad eyes. He didn’t recognize him with his long charcoal winter coat and navy blue sweater. He didn’t recognize the broken man in front of him. “What are you doing here?”

“Mom’s grave is a few plots over. You’ve been sitting here in silence for the hour I’ve been here.”

“Why do you care?” Barry asked bitterly. He didn’t mean for it to come out like that, he just didn’t want to be fooled by Snart again, didn’t want the man’s faux pity.

“Because I get what it’s like to have two dead parents,” Snart said bluntly. Barry froze. “Sure, my father was a piece of shit, but my mother deserved better than what she got. So, I get it, Barry. I get it.”

“Snar-”

“Len.”

“What?”

“Snart is my father. I don’t want to honor his name in my mother’s presence.”

“Len. I still don’t get why you came over here.” Len sighed as he took a seat next to Barry. Barry instantly felt the warm radiation emitting from the figure next to him, relieving the bone chill he didn’t realize he had. 

“Lisa told me about the whole... Flashpoint thing. When I saw you, I just... felt the need to talk to you. As someone who’s time traveled, I understand the emotional drain.” Barry fiddled with his thumbs, not daring to look up at Len or his parents’ tombs. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m here for you if you need to talk.”

“I still don’t get why you're being so nice to me,” Barry said, barely above a whisper. 

“Look, kid. I don’t know who I was or how I treated you in the original timeline, but I can only assume by your reaction to me that it wasn’t all to great. I’m not the same person you knew.” Barry nodded, comprehending everything Len had said. 

“How did Lisa find out?”

“Cisco.” Barry’s body quaked from the chill running through his body. “You’re cold.”

“That’s pretty ironic, coming from you.” Len let a small smile go on his face for a split second.

“Would you like to go get some tea with me? It might warm you up.” Barry nodded without a second thought. Being around this Len was like second nature to him. 

Len stood up, brushing the various pieces of broken grass that was sticking to his pants off his thighs. He held a hand out for Barry, which he gladly accepted. 

Barry’s pants were far to damp, his skin itching underneath the scratchy denim, but he couldn’t get himself to care. 

Barry Allen walked away from his parents’ grave with an empty heart. Although it was empty, the dull ache had subsided.

He couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, things were going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this very spur of the moment, so I apologize if there are typos or grammatical mistakes- I didn't proof read it. I kind of just typed this up without thinking about it so I hope you liked it. I think this is different from anything I've written before, but then again, I say that about most of my writings.


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